The Self-Driven Child(William Stixrud PhD, Ned Johnson)

While looking for parenting books, I chose a book that seemed good and found a book called <The Self-Driven Child>.

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Reading the book made me feel like I had found a great treasure, and it had a great influence on my parenting values.

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I talked to my wife about it and she has a similar perspective, so I am even more satisfied with the book.

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I think this is the best parenting book I've ever read.

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I highly recommend that anyone who is interested in parenting read it.

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I would like to describe what I personally find important.

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(I always transform any book review into a self-help book, so please read with that in mind.)

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1. The role of parents

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The role of adults is not to lay a path for children and force them to follow this path.

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The role of adults is to help them develop the ability to find a path that suits them.

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mobile e-book: 35p

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To love the child unconditionally and provide the child with a safe foundation called home.

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mobile e-book: 85p

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The child is a great observer but a poor interpreter.

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mobile e-book: 158p

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Children imitate their parents' calmness along with their stress.

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mobile e-book: 164p topic

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The best time for a child is when he or she is having fun with their parents.

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mobile e-book: 170p

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I believe that home should be a safe and shelter for a child.

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This is something my wife has been emphasizing for a long time, so I agree with it.

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There are many external influences and stresses in life (study, friends, goals, etc.), and I believe that home should be an environment where one can recharge and recover.

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I think the reason why children run away from home is that they are stressed outside, but they also experience stress at home, so they leave the house and find a place to rest somewhere else to recover.

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That is why parents must be a source of infinite love and shelter for their children.

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Of course, parents must first think of their home as a sanctuary so that their children can feel it and think of it as a space where they can rest together.

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Ultimately, in order to provide a stable psychological and environment for a child, the relationship between the couple must be good for the child to be in good condition.

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A child learns everything from her parents.

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Even if parents try to hide things like their parents' facial expressions, tone of voice, and behavior, children sense and notice subtle changes because they have been observing their parents since a very young age.

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Even if the couple's relationship is not good, but they are good to the children, the children know.

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My wife always said that her priority comes first and the children come second.

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If you have a good relationship with your wife, she will naturally show that kind of attitude and behavior to your child, so I think the child will also grow in a good direction due to the trickle-down effect.

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Rather than thinking that the child is the problem, I think the couple should first check to see if their relationship is okay.

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2. What the child needs to feel and learn

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Thorough downtime requires a high degree of concentration to intentionally do nothing.

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This is one of the most effective things to do for your brain.

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mobile e-book: 238p

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Bad habits are made worse by insufficient sleep.

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mobile e-book: 267p

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Night owls' biological clocks are delayed by exposure to electronic devices.

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mobile e-book: 295p

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Parents, children, and all human beings cannot achieve normal states such as tension, nervousness, anxiety, depression, and nervousness when they experience insufficient sleep.

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If it progresses further, it can cause serious problems such as hallucinations, auditory hallucinations, and speech disorders.

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So sleep is very important, and since the development of electric lights, humans have achieved an advanced society, but on the contrary, they have also acquired something called insomnia.

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Smartphones, which are always brightly lit, have now become the cause of personal sleep disorders, and the fun has even led to addiction.

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Additionally, due to the ever-increasing amount of information, it has become difficult to know when humans can truly rest.

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I continue to learn by watching dramas, movies, cartoons, etc. on my smartphone or TV, but I can no longer feel nature and dream of living a life without my smartphone.

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I think it's especially worse in Korea due to the fast-paced culture.

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When someone watches a drama or movie, I think we are all together if we watch it together and empathize with the content.

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But I think we need to feel the state of letting go of everything for a while in life.

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When machines and people are overloaded, they break down and overheat.

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Rest time is absolutely necessary, and the book says it is good to take time to meditate.

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Sometimes, I think it's good to look at the sky and see what the clouds look like, and go somewhere to play and have some quiet time.

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Before I got married, I liked to travel alone, and the quiet time alone gave me a lot to think about and gave me time to organize.

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Some people went camping alone.

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Like this, I wish there was time to invest in yourself without being influenced by smartphones or other external environments.

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I think it's a good idea for children to feel this as well, and not to think too hastily, but to spend quiet time as a family.

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3. Let’s teach real study

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The child thinks to himself, ‘My parents care more about me than my grades.’

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mobile e-book: 196p

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Early is not necessarily better, and just as too much is not always good.

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mobile e-book: 324p

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Most children do not learn strategies such as how to plan ahead, visualize goals, respond to negative thoughts, and respond to unexpected situations.

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mobile e-book: 383p

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I think studying is not about academics (grades).

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Studying is something that can be achieved someday if you feel it is necessary, but I believe studying life is the ability to solve real life problems.

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If parents solve these problems for them, children cannot learn problem-solving skills.

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So I think the most important thing is that you can't give everything with money.

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Humans can predict and anticipate, but actual situations often turn out to be completely different from what we think.

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The way to deal with it is an individual's ability and capacity, and since it is gained through experience, I believe that it cannot be learned unless it is experienced directly.

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Reading a lot of books means you can feel indirect experiences and apply them to yourself, and I think you need to learn a lot about how to recognize the situations of people around you and how to deal with them.

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I think that is the study that will truly help you live a good life.

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Even if you excel academically, that doesn't mean you won't get scammed, and that doesn't mean you'll always make the right choices.

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In order to live wisely, you must consider and explore your life, not just your studies, and find out what you are good at.

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Each person has different characteristics and different abilities.

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I believe that the person who finds that part first will live a successful life.

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◎Korean Review

놓아주는 엄마 주도하는 아이(저자 : 윌리엄 스틱스러스, 네드 존슨, 출판사 : 쌤앤파커스)

 

 

The Self-Driven Child

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저자

Stixrud William

출판

Penguin Books

출판일

2019.02.12